I did a lot of thinking, and doing, and experimentation during my brief time off, and I wrote a ton about it. But one of the things I also figured out during that time is the importance of sometimes throwing away a draft as part of the refinement process. So I still have things to say, just not pages of it.
Content Creation
I don’t recall if/how much I’ve ever talked about this, but at three separate points in my life I spent time at three different message boards which all featured professional games journalists, podcasters, game developers, and assorted other content creators as regulars.
At the time, I naturally thought this was the coolest thing ever, back before I understood the concept of Parasocial relationships. But nowadays I understand just how much it messed me up. Spending so much time among those folks convinced me that even if I didn’t try to make a living on content creation, I still needed to think and act like someone who did, and to do the same things (on the same release cadence) that they did to put food on the table. Except, you know, for free, and on my own time.
In retrospect these were obviously poisonous environments to be in, but it’s a lesson in just how easy it is for anyone to fall into such a trap (and just how hard it is to get back out of it).
Going forward, the main thing I have to do is remember that not everything needs to be written about. Content does not, in fact, have to be created
Drafts
I think I’ve finally convinced myself that it’s okay to throw away work if it still leads to a tighter, better result in the end. Instead of feeling frustrated and hopeless, tossing things out is starting to feel more like a positive.
Encyclopedia Gundamia
I think I finally understand my obsession with trying to write fully detailed, nigh-encyclopedic writeups about different mobile suits (or characters, or shows, or whatever it may be).
Part of it stems from seeing too many writers who refuse to provide context, or even simple hyperlinks, in their published works. It makes it feel less like they’re trying to inform and persuade, and more like they’re trying to show off their own knowledge or sophistication, or to test the reader on whether they already belong to an in-group.
The other part of it stems from the fact that I hate how much misinformation floats around in the English speaking Gundam fandom. I thought I could help mitigate the problem with deep research and primary sources, but I took it too far and put way too much of a burden on myself.
Community Disappointment
I’ve been perhaps too reticent over the years to criticize the Gunpla community. It’s generally been extremely chill and supportive, and has remained so for a long time (and considering how much of a sensitive baby I can be, the fact that I still feel this way is noteworthy). I guess I felt that since it’s been so good to me, I wasn’t allowed to say anything harsh.
But no group is perfect, right? In the case of Gunpla builders, I’ve found that they aren’t always as helpful as I’d like them to be. In particular, I struggled to find good, actionable tips on how to do low level light photography, and how to use light sources to create shadow. I figured some things out eventually, but most of the community discussions I sorted through were useless.
Note to the community - if all you do is tell someone “you need to use three-point lighting”, and provide no other information, you’re just flexing, rather than providing anything close to helpful.